It is customary for a man (once he comes of age) to select for himself a wife with which he plans on spending the rest of his life with – sharing all life’s burdens and challenges as they come.
If such a young man belongs to a more traditional setup where the family is valued to the high heavens and its tenets upheld without question, marriage for a young bachelor who has come of age is a matter of importance – and urgency, especially if such a man is working and can both handle the rights and challenges that come with marriage and child-bearing.
However, there is a problem: many young bachelors are completely clueless regarding what to look for in a potential wife or to put it simpler, are completely confused the traits that make up a good ‘wife material’.
This inability to figure out exactly what to look for in a potential female mate delays the selection process and marriage proper, almost indefinitely. In most case, months roll into years and years become decades…and the decades may sadly become lifetime!
This is not ideal and need not be so. Accordingly, if you are a young man and are tired of remaining a bachelor but are at a loss how to go about the wife selection process, this article is for you…it is promised that by the time you are done reading this entry, you will not ask any question relating to how to select a wife or a life partner again. Promise 🙂
However, before we proceed to the meat of the article, there are a few things that need to be clarified before we begin. Shall we?
Why Do You Even Need To Choose A Wife In The First Place?
There is no point searching for something when it is very clear that you do not know what you are searching for – or worse, have no need for it. Unfortunately, there are no clear-cut answers here. This means that, young men who sincerely think that they are searching for the right woman in their lives (or Mrs. Right) may have no need of a companion in the first! Strange as this may sound, it is the gospel truth; the whole truth…nothing but the entire truth.
So, before you talk of choosing Mrs. Right, are you even supposed to talking of her in the first place? The following paragraphs will answer you perfectly:
- You are qualified to seek a soul mate as a man when you are certain that you are (more than anything), matured emotionally to handle your beloved. This means that, as a man, you should only consider a marriage if – and only if, you have outgrown the petty realities that still plague boys such as wanting revenge, seeking appreciation for even the smallest favor, flaring up at the slightest provocation, imagining that punching a woman is the best way to resolve a crisis/dispute etc. If you are still a kid emotionally, you may consider ‘growing up’ before your attempt to bother somebody’s daughter with the view of seeking her hand in marriage.
- It is VERY naïve to imagine that you can prosecute a marriage successfully without money in this age and time. It is thus trite to consider the financial burden that come with marriage before even bothering with the idea of selecting a marriage partner. Admittedly though, this figure varies from woman to woman and from culture to culture…however, kindly note that even the most conservative culture (paired with the most considerate woman) cannot spare you the responsibility of such important, vital and largely unavoidable things as medical care and child upbringing. It is also a great reality that these things are settled with legal tender!
- In this age and time of very hard economic reality, it is common to find adult males who are interested in marriage but are still either squatting with their parents or a friend/relative…. While this saves money and obviously makes life easier on many fronts, it is clearly an indication that the male/bachelor in question is still not ready for marriage yet…it’s as simple as that. Marriage itself is a contract between two matured individuals who have the capacity to decide their future together…however, if a man (that is you) is still squatting with a friend or still with the family, where is the independence – or worse, where is the much-needed privacy to make the marriage work – or become a success?
- If you are considering selecting a wife and need someone else to ‘approach’ her for you, you have not yet started and clearly do not deserve to seek a partner at this time in your life. The reasons are as many as they are varied; however, the major reason is that if eventually the marriage takes place, you are going to have an undesirable third-party in your marriage by default; a third-party that would be privy to all things – good or bad…unfortunately, it is such third parties that brilliantly plot the downfall of some marriages especially given their intimacy with the couples.
- Finally, if you imagine that marriage is a simple formality and accordingly, have not stopped keeping dates with your ex or taking a ‘close look’ at other specimens of the female sex, then, you are clearly not deserving to go looking for a life partner… with such a mindset and reality, it is almost guaranteed that your marriage will collapse within the shortest possible time – even you actually get and marry Mrs. Right!
These are the ‘small things’ involved in making sure you get it right with marriage the very first time. Do you think you qualify? If you answer ‘yes’, join me below as I narrate the advantages of marrying a good wife….
Advantages Of Getting Married To A Good Wife
There is no one that has ever doubted the advantages of marrying a good woman as a wife. In fact, the advantages are so many that the only real fear is that we may never be able to list them all here should we decide to do so.
However, I’ll do my best to relay the advantages of marrying a good wife – so that you will at least not be led to marry a bad one 🙂 What even the Holy Bible has encouraged and spoken of in very high terms is not something to disregard – anyway.
Let’s go – explore:
- Your achievement potential quadruples when you marry the right woman; a good wife achieves this brilliantly by giving you peace of mind directly and indirectly by giving you a reason to work hard. This is the singular reason behind the verse in the Bible that speaks highly of any man who has found a wife and calls her ‘a good thing’.
- A good wife swells a man’s ego – and there is no achiever in the world like one whose ego is at stake. Accordingly, a man who is married to a good wife eagerly wants to achieve so that he can provide his wife the good things of life. In the course of trying to achieve this, others around him directly or indirectly benefit as a result of the awesome wife that the young man (i.e. you) married.
- If you marry a good wife, you are likely to be treated with (more) respect and kind understanding from the community of other men and members of your society. This is because, in most climes, marriage is associated with ‘responsibility’ and a man who has been able to live with someone’s else’s daughter as a wife is treated with the highest respect such an action attracts.
- In many climes and cultures, the act of taking care of the extended family and younger siblings falls on the shoulders of young men who incidentally, may wish to get married soon. However, it is noteworthy to understand that once such a young man marries a wife, the challenges (and demands) are reduced to the bare minimum…the logic is that, such a person is now with a ton of responsibility in the form of a spouse now and should not be bothered for anything – or at worst, should be bothered less. Accordingly, if you happen to come from such a culture or clime, you are most likely to save more, especially when the challenges of your entire village is no longer on your ‘soft’ head 🙂
- Marrying a good wife can increase your life span. This means, having a woman who gives you joy and makes you understand that you are living your life on earth for a purpose is singularly one of the most important reasons why you may cross over and reach a ripe old age – maybe 120. This is particularly so because the lack of stress that you will experience will enhance the production of hormones that will generally ensure that you are kept less tense and stressful. The cumulative product of this is that not only will you live love, you will actually be glad that you are living that long!
Disadvantages Of Marrying A Bad Woman
The disadvantages of marrying a bad wife are clearly uncountable – and are far too numerous for any man to mention or attempt any comprehensive documentation…one challenge of marrying a woman who is not good leads to another challenge and the loop continues – till infinity.
…there is clearly no escape!
However, to get a clear glimpse of the horrible reality that awaits all those have clearly not taken the issue of wife selection serious and have landed in the arms of a woman who is not good, all that is needed is to take on the opposite of the advantages of marrying a good wife chronicled above…
After a careful look at the horrible reality, no one need convince you (again) that the reality of marrying a good wife is one that everyone should strive to live – without fail.
How To Choose The Right Wife (As A Single Man/Bachelor)
This is the meat of this article…however, because of the reality of most bachelors and how easily they get confused when issues like these are treated, I will simply enumerate the most important points in an outline in the briefest and most succinct manner possible…it is believed that the message will be driven home better and in a more precise manner.
- Outline the most important attributes your ideal wife must have; this will help you from being attracted to anything in skirt or any figure with breasts.
- In considering the above point, kindly ignore what she can easily change or you can make her change without much effort; you will certainly make your task easier this way and enhance the whole process – accelerating things in the process!
- While physical attributes are very important, they should not be the focus of your wife selection mission…beauty is pleasing to the eye – no doubt. But, kindly remember that it will fade with time and leave you the bare basics that make up your wife. Aside this, she may have an accident or challenge that may stripe her of the beauty you may have cherished so much….
- Look at her mother or sisters…no matter how different your prospective wife wants to be, both her sisters and her mother will still wind up influencing her…if these persons are hopeless, she is 90% likely to be hopeless too!
- Look at her interests and how she reacts to yours – this is the ultimate compatibility when it comes to marriage…a woman that has interests that are far away from yours will hardly make a good wife or even consider herself your wife (in the long-term), especially if she has no interest in yours! However, there is an exception here if she shows a genuine interest in your own interests, life and passion, there is a chance that she will make an excellent wife – go for her.
- Finally, look for a woman who is sufficiently motivated to achieve on her own but is not really dependent on a man to make her dreams come true…with such a woman, you are guaranteed to have a wife that you would be proud of – and still not lose your wallet in the process!
After Selecting A Wife…What Next?!
Marriage goes well beyond the wedding…it is an institution that lasts a life time and is ideally supposed to be for all eternity – giving way only to death. However, prospective couples and newly wedded couples hardly understand some basics that should be paramount and must be understood before a marriage, any marriage, can run smoothly. They are:
- First, third parties must be shunned completely in marriage…. Marriage is between a woman and a man and not even their resulting children have a right to interfere in the union against the wishes of the principal partners – the man and his wife. As a married man thus, kindly forget about all friends and focus exclusively on your wife if you are going to achieve the bliss you seek.
- Second, understand clearly that compromise plays an important role in the life of any marriage. As individuals who were born from separate families and raised by different people with varying ideologies and realities of life, there is bound to be a great dichotomy between your reality as the husband and head of the family and the reality of your wife as your helper and supporter…you should be thus willing to compromise on such issues that are not paramount or very essential. However, it would be a smart move to know that a very thin line exists between what is paramount or important and what is not.
- Third, kindly understand that marriage takes effort – and sometimes, serious patience coupled with determination to make it work. Accordingly, it is a smart move to understand that your marriage to the wife of your dreams is not going to lead anywhere if you do not ingest effort, determination, patience and sometimes, sacrifice to it. With this apt understanding, it is not difficult to envisage any challenges that will be so huge that the marriage will be forced to crack – or worse, break.
- Fourth, understand that marriage means continuous courtship…it is sad to note that most men, once they have succeeded in getting married to the woman of their dreams, completely forget how to care, be romantic and act like a true lover – the very traits that made the woman fall in love in the first place. Please note that, as a man, if you fail to take romance and courtship after marriage serious, your marriage is already headed to the rocks – there are no two ways about it.
- Fifth, mutual respect and fidelity are also very paramount whenever marriage is concerned…this is so because, without first respecting your wife and remaining sexually faithful to her, it is difficult to believe that being same to you will be an easy task for her. Unfortunately, if your wife cannot respect you or remain faithful to you – you are clearly finished as a man and it does not take genius or the gift of prophecy to see that your marriage will soon crash. Unfortunately (again), you may be the primary cause of this less than ideal behavior that has the potential of completely ruining your marriage for you.
- Sixth, time in marriage is very important – if you are to remain happily married to the woman of your dreams and youth. Unfortunately, many young men who are married today do not seem to take the time spent with their wives as something very important that should be upheld and in fact, encouraged. Many such young people imagine that a woman would ordinarily be satisfied with money and other material things given to her by her husband. This is sadly false and completely misleading. The correct position is simple: in a marriage, while money is essential to make the marriage go on very smoothly, money should not be taken to serve as a substitute for quality time that couples are supposed to spend together. Never.
- Finally, the issue of equality is very important in a marriage and should be got straight without any twist or turns! While the husband is clearly the head of the family, he is actually equal with his wife and should on no condition treat his wife as an inferior – even if he imagines she is. Accordingly, it would be a smart idea as a newly wedded couple to ensure that you treat your wife with the respect she deserves and never for one imagine that she is either inferior to you or you are superior to her…if you ever do, be certain that you are digging the grave in preparation for the demise of your hard earned marriage…and no one can save it – not even you!
Very Useful Resources on Wife Selection
The reality of a successful marriage is one of the concepts that have a way of always confusing a lot of people – without any exception. To ensure that you are not confused by the serious choice before you, it is important that I introduce you to 2 excellent resources that will further help you chart your course excellently:
How to Create the Perfect Wife: Britain’s Most Ineligible Bachelor and his Enlightened Quest to Train the Ideal Mate…though a little fiction like, you’ll be taught the basics of creating a ‘Mrs Right’ by Wendy Moore. You can get this book on Amazon.
- The Time Traveler’s Wife. This story by Audrey Niffenegger will change the concept of marriage forever and would certainly teach you how to live with your wife through ‘thick and thin’. You can get it directly here.
I am very certain that these resources, if you actually take them serious and access them with an open mind, will certainly forever clear the myth relating to both the process of selecting your queen and living happily ever after with her.
Does getting this right mean anything to you?
Much has been said – and as this article reaches a whopping 3,000 words, it is easy to understand that many points may be lost. To refresh your memory, to choose the right wife, you must do the following:
- Outline the most important attributes your ideal wife must have – this is a must…and do not confuse yourself. Outline only the basics.
- In deciding item one (1) above, kindly consider only the attributes that cannot easily be encouraged in a woman only.
- Beauty is important, no doubt; but don’t dwell so much on it in looking for a woman as wife.
- Look at the relatives of your prospective wife…if they are bad, great chances are that your wife is also (very) bad!
- Marry a woman who has the same (or similar) interests as you have.
- Look for a woman who is motivated to achieve on her own but is modest in her ambitions.
Marriage is an institution that is meant to be for life…accordingly, great thought must be put into it to ensure that it winds up being a success. If any mistake is made, an otherwise blissful and extraordinary experience may sadly turn sour. It is always better safe than sorry.
Or, so the saying goes.
- Presently, there is the craze that indicates that you should actually go naked with your prospective wife to see if you are ‘sexually compatible’. While this makes sense on the surface, a thorough look at the logic behind this is VERY faulty…who has ever asked to ride a new car to see if the car suits him/her? Now, a wife is a million times more than a car. Why demand to ‘test’ her?
- The author of this article, Akaahan Terungwa has been married for 4.5 years (as at press time) and feels sufficiently versed in matters of the heart to give this counsel.